I've not been blogging because, well, I've just felt overburdened with life.
Ever get like that? I have discovered over the last year, that most of the time when I'm feeling this way, its around my "time of the month", in which case I should just give myself a break - right?! Well its that time and I guess right now I just need to talk it out.
About a week ago I saw a movie called 17 miracles that was first off very sad, heart breaking. But also inspiring, touching, and overall humbling. My mom and I cried all through it (a few days later I took my husband to see it, and well I cried all through it a second time, my husband is a bit tougher). You can read about it here.
When we left the theater, my mom said "Boy, the hardest thing I have to think about is when I'll get a diet coke". Which is wholly untrue. My mom is struggling with some hard things. In fact she had a heart attack this week (she's alright after 4 days in the hospital). However, it made her take a hard look at her life. She has decided she wants to fight to take back her life. She has let everything else take over. She gives and gives and gives, and then does not take care of herself. From now on, I'll be beside her making sure she does.
One of the things that struck me most about the movie was at the end, they had synopsises of the characters lives. Several of the young girls after struggling to make it across the plains in such hard elements, later went on to have 13 children! To me, that is a testament of the will and heart that is possible in this life. It made me look at my life and my struggles, and what I'm dealing with now, is nothing in comparison to what I have dealt with earlier on in my life; or what many other people I know are dealing with.
I'm very blessed, this I know, to have come this far. I'm blessed daily. I have beautiful children and a loving husband. I have a faith in God and in my Savior Jesus Christ. I have supportive friends and family. And yet there are struggles. A big burden I have come to realize trouble with is time management. There is so much I should be doing, could be doing. I should be serving more, loving more, spending more quality time with family. I should have a tidy house that makes me feel accomplished. And yet, it is difficult to make myself do anything some days. And I wonder what that says about me? Am I weak in spirit? Why are some things so hard? Am I depressed? I do have 3 small children, but not 13! I hope that they won't remember me as a complainer, or someone who doesn't want to do things. Right now I see myself being to hard on myself but maybe this will all sound familiar to someone out there. Someone who can give me some advice. I welcome it.
There is a book called "If life were easy, than it wouldn't be hard... and other truths", it's by Sheri Dew. I've started to read it, because although I look at my life and consider it easy compared to my earlier years, and to other peoples struggles, I still struggle some days. I'm hoping to find some answers. I know that when I go to the scriptures I am certain to find advice, and I am trying to do that more often as well.
For now, just to voice this out loud is a help. Now its out of my head and laid on the table. Maybe that's all I need once in awhile. That and a bowl of ice cream! Denali Mint Chocolate Cup sounds good right now ;)